MRS. RUGRAT’S BEEN MURDERED

©1987 by John Robinson Wheeler. All rights reserved.

 

SCENE FOUR

 

It is the next day. Harry is in the lobby, speaking on the desk phone. The twins walk in through the front door and exit to the right. They don't look as bubbly as usual. Everyone is in a somber mood. Harry hangs up the phone as Mrs. Slalom and Mr. Fonebone enter to the left. He nods to them and exits. Mr. Slapstick enters.

MR. SLAPSTICK:

I can't believe all that's happened. Poor Miss Bayleaf.. (He trails off)

MR. FONEBONE:

Yeah. (trying to change the subject slightly)  You know, we thought you'd died for a minute there.

MR. SLAPSTICK:

Really? When?

MR. FONEBONE:

The other night — the lights went out and we found you lying unconscious on the floor. We thought you'd been murdered during the blackout! And then when you disappeared...

MR. SLAPSTICK: (chuckling a little) 

Oh, heavens no! I'm a bit afraid of the dark, you see...and also have some trouble with claustrophobia. When the lights went out and everyone was crowded around so close.. I guess I fainted! (he laughs a little more)  I got up and had the most splitting headache from hitting the floor. I stumbled out in the darkness and went to get some aspirin.

MR. FONEBONE:

Well, you had us worried there for a minute.

 

There is a pause.

MR. SLAPSTICK:

Poor Miss Bayleaf.

 

He sighs, and leaves. The BELLHOP enters and Mrs.Slalom calls to him.

 

MRS. SLALOM: Could you bring down Mr. Frugal's bags? He will be checking out shortly. And send Sybill to clean up his room.

BELLHOP:

Yes, ma'am.

 

He exits.

MR. FONEBONE:

Mr. Frugal is checking out?

MRS. SLALOM:

Yes, he is.

MR. FONEBONE:

But you can't let him!

 

Mrs. Slalom is a little surprised.

MR. FONEBONE: (stubbornly) 

No one can leave until we find out who murdered Miss Bayleef. (in a low, accusational tone)  It might have been him!

MRS. SLALOM:

Oh, come now!

MR. FONEBONE:

I'm not going to have the hotel held responsible for letting a murderer loose on the streets! No one is to check out until this is solved!

MRS. SLALOM:

The police are handling it. Besides, the guests will more than likely refuse to pay to stay here any longer, what with the trouble and all. We have no right to...

MR. FONEBONE:

I must insist.

 

The bellhop comes down with Mr. Frugal's bags. Mr. Fonebone snatches them from him.

MR. FONEBONE:

Here, I'll take these, thanks.

 

He walks over to the left and heaves them through the door. Mr. Frugal enters and stares at the bellhop.

MR. FRUGAL:

Didn't you bring my bags down just now?

 

The bellhop turns to speak but Mr. Fonebone interrupts.

MR. FONEBONE:

I'll handle this. I'm sorry, Mr. Frugal, but I must insist that you not leave.

MR. FRUGAL:

Don't be ridiculous! I have a train to catch in an hour!

MR. FONEBONE:

Well, you'll just have to miss it. For all I know you killed Miss Bayleef and are going to go and do something else against the law.

MR. FRUGAL:

You're a loony! Give me back my luggage!

MR. FONEBONE:

I'll return it if you promise not to leave.

 

Mr. Frugal folds his arms stubbornly.

MR. FRUGAL:

I'm not promising anything. Now give me back my luggage or I'll..

MR. FONEBONE:

You'll WHAT? Kill me? (turns to bellhop and Mrs. Slalom)  There! You see! He's already threatening me!

 

Harry enters from the right. Mr. Frugal shakes an angry fist at Mr. Fonebone, who folds his arms stubbornly.

MR. FRUGAL:

Listen, mister.. either you hand over my luggage right now or I'm going to have to get it myself.

MR. FONEBONE:

I'm not handing over anything.

 

Mr. Frugal starts to advance on Fonebone, who steps back in surprise. Harry puts a hand on Mr. Frugal's shoulder.

HARRY:

What's the trouble here, folks?

 

They both start to speak at once.

MR. FONEBONE:

He's trying to leave and he's still a suspect like the rest of us...

MR. FRUGAL:

This moron is trying to keep me from catching my train by stealing...

 

The two glare at each other. Harry points at Mr. Fonebone.

HARRY:

Allright, all right. You first.

MR. FONEBONE:

THANK you. Mr. Frugal is attempting to leave the hotel and for all we know he could be the murderer and..

MR. FRUGAL: (interrupting) 

The hell I am! How do we know you aren't?

 

Harry quiets Mr. Frugal down. Mr. Fonebone is somewhat startled by the accusation and seems unsettled for a minute.

MR. FONEBONE: 

You don't. But...I don't have a motive.

MR. FRUGAL:

And I do?

 

The two begin bickering, and Harry steps between them and clamps a handover their mouths.

HARRY:

That's enough! Here, I'll try and straighten this out with Mr. Frugal.

MR. FRUGAL:

I'm not the one who needs straightening out! It's this..this...amateur Sherlock!

 

Mr. Fonebone gets a fiery look in his eyes but Harry puts an arm on Mr. Frugal's shoulder and turns him around. They begin walking out to the right.

HARRY:

Now here's the deal, yasee...

 

They begin talking in pantomime as they exit. Mr. Fonebone turns his back to them. He clears his throat and adjusts his clothes.

MR. FONEBONE: 

Hmph. How do you like HIM. I'm just trying to...

MRS. SLALOM:

.. to do what you think is right. There's nothing wrong with that, but you could be more diplomatic in your methods.

BELLHOP:

Am I dismissed?

MR. FONEBONE: (suddenly realizing the bellhophas stood here the past few minutes) 

Hmm? Oh, sorry. Of course. (the bellhop exits)  I wish I knew what to do next.

MRS. SLALOM:

Maybe you should forget about it and let life go on.

MR. FONEBONE:

I think... (he looks at his watch)  .. I'll have dinner. Shall we join the guests in the dining room?

MRS. SLALOM:

Oh, all right. I have to help serve tonight, anyway.

 

She begins to clean up the counter a little, stops, and just leaves it a mess. The two exit as the lights fade.

 

Scene 5