MRS. RUGRAT’S BEEN MURDERED — Epilogue

©1988 by John Robinson Wheeler. All rights reserved.

 

EPILOGUE

 

It is the lobby or the room that isn't the lobby or the dining room if we don't want to move all the furniture back in. Mr. Slapstick walks through and passes the twins on their way in.

THE TWINS: Hi Mr. Slapstick.

 

Mr. Slapstick doesn't hear them and has already shut the door behind him. Mrs. Slalom suddenly enters, carrying sheets or a blanket or something.

THE TWINS:

Hi Mrs. Slalom.

MRS. SLALOM:

Hello.

 

She breezes past them.

THE TWINS:

Bye!

 

Mrs. Slalom exits, leaving the twins alone on stage.

MARCIE: (in a normal, non-twinnish voice)

You old bat.

 

The twins laugh in unison, but like normal people instead of in those annoying giggles.

PATTY:

I can't believe all that planning was almost ruined by that burglar showing up.

MARCIE:

Yeah, but it all worked out, didn't it?

PATTY:

But still, we spent all that time tracking her down after she changed her name to Bayleaf...

MARCIE:

...and then while we're waiting in her room, ready to do her in, a burglar comes by.

PATTY:

Still, he did take all the blame away from us. He thinks HE fired the gun!

MARCIE:

What a stupe. He almost ruined the whole...

 

Suddenly Mr. Sandback walks in, and the twins put on their act and let out a loud giggle.

MR. SANDBAG:

Hi, girls.

THE TWINS:

Hi Freddy!

 

They start to exit.

MR. SANDBAG:

You going somewhere, girls?

THE TWINS:

Yes, we're checking out.

MR. SANDBAG:

Aw. Will I see you again?

 

They look at each other.

THE TWINS:

No.

MR. SANDBAG:

Ah, well. Bye!

 

He exits.

PATTY:

Let's go get our bags.

MARCIE:

OK.

 

They exit. Mr. Fonebone enters.

MR. FONEBONE: (talking to himself)

I can't believe that burglar I hired to steal a few of Miss Bayleaf's things went and shot her! I mean, all I wanted to do was drive her out by making her think it wasn't safe to live here...

 

He paces a bit, and Mrs. Fonebone enters.

MR. FONEBONE:

Oh, hi, Joan.

 

He stops pacing.

MRS. FONEBONE:

Hello, Stallone.

MR. FONEBONE:

You know, I'm glad all of this murder business is all over. Now our lives can return to normal.

MRS. FONEBONE:

Can I talk to you privately, Stallone?

MR. FONEBONE:

We're alone now, Joan.

MRS. FONEBONE:

Are you sure?

MR. FONEBONE:

Yes, I'm sure. What did you want to talk about?

MRS. FONEBONE:

I'm tired of being married to you, Stallone.

MR. FONEBONE:

What! But you know I don't believe in divorce!

MRS. FONEBONE:

I know. (She produces small handgun.)  That's why I'm going to have to kill you.

 

There is another stir of suspenseful music as the lights fade out.

 

End.