5:54pm 01-29-01 The Tale of the Smooching Bandit Governor's Ball The grand ballroom is awhirl with color and gaiety on this, the night of the annual Governor's Ball. All of the choice mademoiselles are spinning in their lace finery, bewitching upright young suitors, lined up five deep to kiss a wrist. The Smooching Bandit has other plans, though. First, he must be cautious. Find a fetching femme who has parted from her company, to rest alone in a shaded alcove. Or perhaps take a stroll on the veranda. Yes, perhaps... ah, you twirl your mustache with delight. The Smooching Bandit shall have no trouble tonight finding a pair of pert lips, ready for a stolen kiss... [after the first kiss, you steal out into the night] >X ME Ha-HA! No one will ever guess the identity of the Smooching Bandit! Not even... uh... yourself! >I A black mask (being worn) A fake mustache (being worn) A pair of buckled boots (being worn) A velvet cloak (being worn) A rakish hat (being worn) A locket (being worn) A grouch bag (being worn) >x locket The locket is made of carved gold, inlaid with delicate ornaments. It is currently closed. >open it Opening the locket reveals a silhouette and a tiny lock of brown hair. Ah! Your heart breaks once again over your one true lost love! Fair Marianne, twas you that spurned my smoochies, turning a simple boy into this dashing rogue, one who steals smoochies by night! If only I could find you... >l Garden park The luscious gardens, abloom in the early spring, send forth their heady aromas on the nuzzling breezes. Aloft, too, are the erotic perfumes of the finely dressed ladies in white, walking two by two in the early eve, innocent as does, poised as summer swans. A choice maiden sits alone on a bench, reading a steamy novel by gaslight. Mwuhaha-HA! The Smooching Bandit has chosen his second of the evening. A burning buss on those pink smackers will do, will surely do... >kiss maiden Ah, before the kiss, you must sneak! Sneak east, then around the tree, then up from behind... >sneak east You sneak east. The pale line of the maiden's neck glows in the twilight. Perhaps the bandit should kiss the neck, not the lips? Ah...! The bandit stations himself sneakily behind a tree. The maiden stirs, looks left and right, but not behind. Her head tilts down again, her eyes on the page. The bandit's eyes are on her shoulders, spilling down their slopes. The benchwood blocks further views -- until a slight movement reveals the slim crescent of her neck once again. Time now to steal forward. The sneaking is the best part. >sneak up on her You sneak up right behind the maiden. You are invisible to her! The bandit never betrays himself until the moment of the kiss... the inevitable kiss... >kiss her Where do you want to kiss her, on her graceful neck or on her rosy lips? >[] You lean in, but the maiden whirls! Your puckered lips frighten her, and why shouldn't they? "The Bandit! The Bandit!" she shrieks, and takes off running to the west. You leap atop the bench and cry, "Ha-ha-HA! You cannot escape the Smooching Bandit!" > The maiden runs, but she is not too fast. Touching a secret button on your lapel, the boots release hidden springworks, lending superhuman fleetness to your stride. The maiden looks behind, sees you gaining, and nearly swoons. Surely it is your gleaming mustaches that frighten her! She recovers and runs to the north, her hair shaking down into shimmering tresses. > My, but this one is fast. "Hold, fair maiden! Must you fear the Smooching Bandit? Ha-Ha-HA!" you shout. The maiden cries, "Oh! Oh!" and races onward, north towards the tower. > The maiden begins to climb the tower! Never has the Smooching Bandit pursued such a worthy quarry! A simple twist of your boot buckles, and the powerful magnets in the soles are activated. Climbing this tower shall be no more trouble to the Smooching Bandit than walking, you smirk to yourself. > The maiden reaches the top of the tower! She stands full in the moonlight, defiant. She kicks at your hands as you scale the last rungs of the tower, but you anticipate, you dodge. "There is nowhere for you to run now! And now, I shall steal my kiss...!" > You kiss her on the cheek, hot breath from your nostrils puffing in her exposed ear. The Smooching Bandit has struck again! Oops! The maiden screams, a piercing whistle in your ear! She rubs her cheek madly with her kerchief. "Gross! My cheek is all slobbery!" She shoves at you, and you fall, you fall from the tower -- is this the end for the Smooch-- OW. You hit the ground at the base of the tower, winded but unhurt. The maiden above says, "Harold Fenster! I'm telling Miss Adams!" She leaps off the tower and escapes into the night as the church tower rings. You do not know who this Harold Fenster is of which she speaks. > "Harold Fenster!" Uh oh. It's Miss Adams. You climb inside the bars of the tower where she can't get you. "No one can catch the Smooching Bandit!" you bellow. Miss Adams storms up. "Get out of there this minute, Harold. I'm not kidding." She grabs you by the arm and pushes her face close to yours. "If you don't come out I'm going to come in and carry you out, and not necessarily in one piece." Her skin, so lovely... perhaps the Smooching Bandit could strike again, even now? > "That does it! You're going to the principal's office right now. I don't know what's gotten into you, but I've had complaints from at least three girls today." Miss Adams pulls you out of the monkey bars drags you inside. The chief constable has been waiting to catch the Smooching Bandit for years, and now you're being delivered into his fiendish clutches. You'll be locked in the detention tower for sure, but first, interrogation and torture. You scoff. The Smooching Bandit can withstand anything for the sake of a kiss... One day, he will be free to strike again! ------ You try to kiss, but she starts running. She climbs a tower, you trap her, kiss her there, and then the fantasy ends, and you're up in some monkey bars with a girl on the playground at recess. You're 9 years old.